finals make me lame

I am boring because it is finals time. Too much work, too little time.
no time to read or take long tubs or to sip wine (well I squeeze that last one it a little bit). and nice michael read to me before bed last night. so sweet. southern thanksgiving was southern. there was pecan pie and sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top. also lots of congratulations and bottles of champagne. what a wonderful step family.

congratulations to michele and joel on new baby Kayla.

the CEA's and one more road trip coming up.

still alive. but unable to post and be cool cause of papers ugh. so boring. I am sure to read about too.

Last night I went to the CEA's (Cincinnati Entertainment Awards). So funny, its like the academy awards but for Cincy. the video was great just like real awards ceremonies (with a beautiful female voice over and sound effects and swoopy graphics ....--and the nominees for best....--), Old St. George was too cool, with empty holy water fonts that had faucets in them (I wonder if they still work? ...would it still be holy? or is it just water now that this is a concert/event venue?) The noise echoed off the stained glass and other architectural elements that I can't remember the names of now. Michael didn't win but I had 3 glasses of wine (and its funny my cold is back full strength today....couldn't be the wine). People were dressed up in all sorts of cool attire. from hipster to ball gown to african tribal and faux pink fur stoles. and even down to me in my boring work clothes and bag heavy with books). Congratulations to Quinn! and Cathedrals who won best new artist. I hope there was time for free drinks boys.
I am glad we don't have to keep a CEA in our living room it was very ugly. Michael said I would say the same thing about his grammy. I told him he could keep it with is scoring academy award in his studio.
off to Greenville, South Carolina for thanksgiving tomorrow after work.

sorry about all of the side notes and parenthesis...lots to say and no time to type it...must write papers during pathetic lunch half hour.

just finished reading

two young adult children's books:
Holes by Louis Sachar
and
The Double Life of Zoe Flynn by Janet Lee Carey
I recommend the first for kids...the second...eh.
the first is also a suggested read aloud for both michael in the car and 4-6th graders.

also
Marie Claire...sorry the pms made me do it...what tripe...but the pictures are so colorful I can't help myself
Rolling Stone ...what can I say it came free in the mail...interesting eminem interview...also nice to see a long interview that had not been reduced to a 16point font and a serious of sound bites and exclamation points.

please send me suggestions for the break between fall and winter quarter...I will be searching for something good.

apologies

for the lack of motivation and updates. my procrastination has crept past school work and into my every day life.
other news:
-amy's wedding was a fantastic party, with beautiful cake and people and drinks and so much dancing that my lazy butt was sore the next day.
-dave's baby is huge...really as michael says "the incredible exploding baby" we love him anyway and assume his skinny tall murphy genes will arise when he reaches school ages and becomes all limbs, wrists and ankles sticking out of clothing etc. (besides that skinny babies are scary lizard people and chubby babies long to be eaten alive[in gingerbread houses?])
-john, april and puppy are like my idyllic lifestyle. cable and a puppy, a house with a yard, taking me out for dinner and drinking for a belated b-day. I had more of a life there than I have since...well since I don't know when? undergrad?
as for me...
I am drowning in homework, pms, wine, chips, and moods. an 8 of 10 is enough to bum me out for the day so less than that can make me cry. (so can cheesy commercials or just starting to try to think of how I will support myself during my year long --unpaid--internship next year) I am set up for failure. I have never gotten such good grades. ever. my dad wants to know what is different? (I guess he means from h.s. and undergrad) difference is my age I assume, I'm paying, and my work ethic has changed. Essentially I am proving something to myself. unfortunately my h.s. mediocrity was probably a protection mechanism, doing average was easy and stress free. Paper due today? I can write it during homeroom or the morning sports assembly. Now I am obsessive. I do all the reading. (really, all of it) where did this person come from?

at work

can I tell you?
that dr.pepper, with crushy ice and a straw
is like the best thing ever.
ah



also not having my thursday night class. mmmm

toner monday

today was a normal day until I reached into the fax machine in parts and yanked out the toner cartridge and proceeded to shake out the toner into the machine and all over my khakis and sweater. marvelous.
note to self....small toner cartridges cannot be shaken like BIG toner cartridges to get extra life.
half an hour later and a box of ultra size kim wipes I take out the new cartridge and holding it perfectly still, I yank out the ribbon (for toner nubees this is something you are supposed to do before you install) the rebuilt cartridge is a piece of shit and the ribbon shreds and gets stuck at the end weeping toner all over my already sad pants. (totally abnormal) I have officially been a "secretary" for 10 years now and this is ridiculous. soon I can join the rank of technologically sleepy teachers.
other than that nothing crazy
only a four day week
no class tomorrow night
no class thursday night hurrah!
not looking forward to the 10+ hour drive to the east coast thursday night. I think I will subject michael to children's books on CD. any suggestions?

p.s. happy belated b-day to sam. your presents will come never fear. love-me
gotta go back to campus to see michael's woodwind quintet in a new music concert.

garlic

I feel sorry for my neighbors, because when Michael and I start to cook the whole building smells like garlic. smells good to me, but probably gets old pretty fast when it is not the food in your kitchen. we have bruschetta, lasagna, chicken salad on the way for lunches. YUM.

oh and I got the coolest digital camera for my b-day. but I am probably too lazy to put pics on this site. However this one might have some here and there are some photographs of my old paintings there now. Warning that the site may look screwed up and is apt to change as I learn more and get more assignment for my static web programming class.

really late twenties

today is my birthday, but I have work, and then an all essay, very ungrad-like, midterm exam before any fun stuff. boo.

election anxiety

for future reference, is best quelled with beers with friends. Preferably at a bar with big tv's that serves 1/2 price drinks to voters.
***it is very important to print out the paper due tomorrow first, lest you come home several beers later and begin to make revisions.

vote

I voted. did you?

news

news of my school related anxiety is getting pretty old so, just one more thing
this morning I enjoyed the extra hour of sleep by obsessively compulsively trying to remember Cambourne's conditions in a state of half sleep and continually forgetting one or two. IMERPAF
immersion, m something, e something, r something, p something, a something, feedback. wow that was bad. I knew more of those in my sleep.
other stuff
I am mad at kate for not calling me before she headed out of louisville to pennsylvania. this is a heads up so she knows she should suck up to me on my birthday (the fourth), before we see each other at amy's wedding. also to tell her that I had dresses if she needed something to wear....
what ev er
I am such a whiny baby especially because it is not like I had time to play with so many many papers.
furthermore (I am in full on paper speak now) I spent the majority of sunday lounging/napping on the futon drinking gatorade, eating chinese food, and watching scary x-files marathon that was on about 3 channels. now I still have to finish my wednesday paper and my website. if I had a laptop I could watch tv and recover from my hangover while doing homework. yay.

speed and props

I am fighting off a killer caffeine buzz with the first of what will (I hope) be several glasses of red zin tonight. so much caffeine my hands are shaking. yay for dr. pepper 21oz. football special thing. making lists makes my paperful weekend seem do-able. I shall see. michael made 2lbs of pasta last night and our guests ate about 1/2lb. so we are having more people over tonight so I don't need to eat spaghetti and super chunky veggie sauce for the rest of my life. I NEED VARIETY. I also need more depressant or maybe a dance party for all this energy.
by the way, what are you dressing up as for halloween? if there is a party to attend I think michael and I will do a cutesy couple thing. Dionysus and some other toga wearing woman, Diana or Helen someone beautiful and ship sinking. because I have sheets and a faux laurel headpiece, and mainly because last year michael didn't have a costume, so I made him a placard that said "welcome great pumpkin!" and he carried a blue towel and wore a stripey shirt and oddly carried all night a jug of red wine. this year Dionysus will work the wine right into the costume. less like alcoholism more like needed prop.

lets worry about today, and call people radishes

so I'm sitting here thinking my life's not too bad. this is good and the result of talking to someone worse off than me right now, drinking a glass of red wine, eating a bowl of doritos, a cancelled class, and talking to other people who have completed the dreaded language development midterm, completed without throwing a clot (thanks to tom to working that graphic description into my vocabulary). back to my good old theory of not doing homework unless it is due tomorrow. and trying not to think about the rest of my life because it too, is not due tomorrow. so I am forgetting about or resigned to the fact that I will be living in cincinnati for another year, becoming a sped teacher, when really, what was I thinking!, I will have to eventually marry this boy who proposed to me. and while I like the idea of being married to my beau, the wedding itself still makes me twitch. where are we moving?, who will support me?, oh, I have to support me?! bummer. I want to sit on the couch and eat chips and read books. but really, I can take it slow and I can try to just worry about this weekend and the papers due this week and possibly those due next week. instead of things that happen next month and the month after that etc.
tonight in my sign language class a girl asked our teacher to teach us curse words so we could really start communicating and the teacher said maybe in a couple of weeks. that'll keep everyone coming back. until then I will just emphatically sign the mean signs I know that are more like things you would direct towards a toddler. NO! Stop that! radish!
yes, radish doesn't make any sense but I do know the sign for that. and date (like the fruit not the event) this is helpful. radishes make me think of fraggles and this is a sign that I really need to go to bed. (it was just a glass of wine, I swear.)

wasting away (in a very american consumer kind of way)

apparently no one in my household eats. they are one meal a day kind of people. and while we may look at menus and discuss food, eating is hypothetical, and they'll just wait til dinner. I am wasting away. and to think I didn't just leap into my usual saturday bagel sandwich routine because I didn't want to be full when everyone else was headed out to eat. but no ones going anywhere. this puts me in the position of cranky, hungry, unpleasable me that is too high maintenance to order a sandwich like this "I'll just have turkey, and I'll have roast beef" not only do I not like these meats but all the sandwich guts are the most important part. the bread, people, the bread, this is key, fresh lettuce and tomato. can't we just order pizza or chinese. vats of food could be delivered to my house and we have decided on leftovers ew. more food I don't eat. I have already ingested all of my left overs and I need to stay far far away from things michael has created in the crock pot with a side of beef or slathered in bbq sauce. ugh. the hunger. can't. type. any. longer.

anxiety papers company

my anxiety increases as this company and homework filled weekend approaches. my only solution thus far is to sneak michael's laptop around with me. movies (its soft glow lights up my face), dinner half way under the table cloth as I jot down lines. "who me? I'm not writing a paper over here." "no, no, keep telling your story. I can type and listen at the same time." that last one is for real. good for freaking out co-workers. also, can you tell I have some serious laptop envy? internet, my friend, why can't I take you everywhere I go?

bad

I can't think properly to continue writing in sentences so instead here is a list of bad dayness
1.head cold(and hurty eyes that go with head cold)
2. headache that goes with head cold and lack of caffeine.
3. forgetting to print out paper due in class today
4. begging prof to let me email it later
5. being asked my my classmate if I had beer in my waterbottle.
(if you must know it is cranberry juice with seltzer that got bubbly from bouncing around in my bag) yes, I like beer but I am in class tonight get it together lady.
6. collaborative projects (I know that is a given)
7. same classmate trying to arrange a meeting regarding collaborative project.
(nothing is due, I only have an hour and a half between work and class can't I just sit by myself, eat dinner and enjoy the free time--doing other homework. a testimony to my new level of geekiness, and if today is any indication, probably wearing uncomfy waist pants.)
8. spilling garbage juice on my pants taking out the recycling (now I probably smell like a wino, too so it only goes too well with the faux beer and bloodshot sleepy head cold eyes)
9. must clean house for future mother in law visit.
10. many papers due so many papers
enough bitching for one day right...so sorry have a good night
oh just a little more....still raining more raining keep leaving the house without an umbrella then it starts raining again. weird time of year where all buildings are either freezing no heat or suffucatingly hot. sorry really I am done.

michael says

I should use more contractions because my writing sounds too formal.
I told him I didn't care.
and then I said..."does it really seem too formal?"
then he proceeded to read my last three weeks worth of entries laughing out loud occasionally and pointing out my typos.
so I need to point out here that the guy at work I mentioned ealier in the week, his name really is acy. that wasn't a typo.
and I will try to fix some of the others.
also that my favorite quote from last night came out of matthew. "michael doesn't mean to be an asshole." all in good fun. its just easier to live your life your own way and be the bitch or the asshole sometimes. rather than tiptoe around worried about what everyone else is thinking. or (more specifically) what everyone else is thinking of you.

the "c" word

went to one of michael's classes last night (music practicum) in order to scarf up free pizza. really I went cause I am dorky and I think it is fun to watch live performers breathe life into new works. this quarters class is a ...wait for it....collaboration between not just musicians and composers, but also dancers. It was refreshing to see people make this collaboration thing work. I had to take a 3 credit class about collaboration and when I hear the word I tend to run screaming out of the room. maybe it is just easier when it is not my work. I am not overprepared and cursing under my breathe at those underprepared. or underprepared and scrambling to make it look like I know what I am doing. in this project the dance was choreographed and videotaped and the music composed to the movement. things were moving along, dancers were dancing or stretching out all over the floor the way dancers relax, music was flowing, a bit undertempo but things were really moving along until the last piece. and one composers need to unleash a 20 minute diatribe on open bar improvisation, why he didn't have a copy of his own score, why his piece really could not be conducted or danced to ....several successive attempts to conduct the dancers to the CD instead of conducting the cello, piano and flute. I stole a pen to start frantically writing. I needed something in my hand to keep me from strangling this person and running off before the pizza arrived. ack! collaboration my nemesis strikes again.

guys named boone

while stuffing envelopes at work today. (because sometimes I like the mindless stuff when it fills the end of my day. that way I save some brains and energy for class) I noticed that guys in the shop have names like boone and acy. this also reminded me of a customer that I sent a manual to last week, first name...sharky. are these nicknames, do you think? like the guys my dad worked with...pea head, goph, nasty, or is this an actual choice by the family? I have to wonder if having a name like sharky or ace sets you up for a rough time, or creates the playground bully. just like ashley...doesn't it just sound prissy. now to avoid any untoward anger from those named ashley it is not so different from nancy. when I found out that my name is used to describe "sissy" boys, I was not too suprised.

lunch

yesterday I ate lunch in Spring Grove cemetery. "by yourself?" Michael asked "sushi." I replied
my own lunch plans were starting my paper and answering phones. but when lunch plans including me happened around me, I didn't argue. I kind of wanted to. I normally do. But since I had barely glimpsed the sun, last homework plagued weekend, I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to spend time outside. It was one of those fall days that seems cold but feels wonderful when the sun is out. there were ducks and fish in the pond. we sat on a monument while we ate. I love the idea that cemeteries used to be gathering places. picnic places. I like the day of the dead rituals. feeding your departed and sprinkling marigold petals. this cemetery is out of the ordinary. people still hang out there. they go jogging. the cemetery offers tours. much better than having lunch at my desk.