Thursday, September 30, 2004

almost the weekend

thank god it is almost time for the weekend. no class tomorrow night, and two days of sleep. while concurrently trying to catch up on my reading for class and clean and organize my messy apartment. not an ideal weekend, I see your point but still one I am looking forward to. if only so that I can locate all the syllabi and figure out if I can keep my head from exploding before fall quarter is complete. I can't believe I thought I might actually have time to work a part-time job at the university in order to collect the work-study money I was awarded. yeah somewhere between my regular job, school and classroom observations.
also the university jobs pay an average of $7 an hour. I am so past that. I worked one of the worst campus jobs as an undergrad for $5.15 an hour with a lovely raise to $5.35 an hour and that was in the 90's.
Also this evening, I survived another horrific thursdayclass with my prof. who is so uptight her anxiety oozes across the classroom towards me. When I was driving home I could feel my shoulders releasing from underneath my ears to try to return to their normal position. who barks at students as the come in the room "who are you?" "do I know you?" I hate to say dude, but seriously, Dude. it is the second class, could you please pop a valium next thursday before 3pm. give it enough time to take effect. before we are subjected to your anxiety.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

procrastination & apologies

I need to apologize here for my poor grammar and misuse of the ellipsis. "The function of the ellipsis is to leave out repetitious and unnecessary words, the function of pronominalization is to replace complicated expressions with simple ones." from Pyschology & Language by Bert H. Clark and Eve V. Clark. I use the ellipsis whenever I have much more to say and I know it is getting boring. I should be using pronominalization.
on a lighter note,
do you ever wake up with a song running through your head? This happens to me several times a week. It is always one I know but not usually something I have listened to recently, or even would chose to listen to. Today it is los lonely boys (unplugged) must of seen that at someone's house, someone with good cable that includes MTV and VH1 and not just the 3 local access stations that I get. Last week it was an indigo girls song, prior to that musical theater (yikes) song from Wicked. This has got to stop. Maybe I should purchase and alarm clock that can play music instead of the silly travel one I use. That way the alarm clock could replace my morning songs immediately. only that seems like trouble. there is always a chance they could be replaced for the worse. Then I would be wandering around working humming Mandy or god forbid with arms wide open.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

love the waves

so I am home after the beach YAY! wonderful gorgeous perfect fantabulous weather. and even a round of miniature golf for michael. and I need to figure out how to relax and not be angry about school and all of the petty little things I have to do to get moving again in the real world. so for now I will leave you with my favorite story from the beach. Michael was nonplussed with the ocean on the jersey shore. They don't have real waves he says. As if he knows first hand. while angelique and I told "big fish" stories about the waves we remember from our childhood vacations. huge waves that you could not withstand, ones that knocked you over and knocked the wind out of you while still taunting you to return. So as we enjoy the sun and the surf Michael gets taught a lesson by the ocean. The ocean won. The only image you need to remember is michael creatively removing beach stones from the crotch of his bathing suit, after he and angelique were so rocked by the surf they could not return. As the tide came in so did the stones and shells apparently and if you walked 5 feet into the ocean you would be in over your head with waves crashing in on top steadily one needed to be constantly on guard watching for the next assault. we had so much fun. lovely.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

not that mean

so now that I vented what I really wanted to say is I came home thinking I have the nicest roommate. He does the laundry and it comes back smelling clean and folded. I thought of this cause I just opened up the office window and it smells like the dryer is running with pretty dryer sheets smell filling the alley with april fresh air. mmmm. then I ate dinner and got all cozy on the futon and he calls. I forgot my USB cord and can you drive it downtown to me. and I do cause he did do the laundry. but I don't stay at the gig (bad girlfriend) but he still calls me an angel. all smiles and now I can get back to my exciting evening of television and homework.
have a wonderful weekend!

class is over and now we go "down the shore"

the class wasn't that bad. the books were $130 which is ridiculous.
more importantly. I am going to the beach tomorrow. YAY!

stupid stupid grrr

everything I just wrote about being angry, satellite campuses (campusii?), online ordianing (ordination?) and expensive books just disappeared. I have to go drive to campus now. grrr.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

in pennsylvania we wear sneakers

still sort of stunned from the family overload this weekend. I don't know what to discuss. The silly bit that I shared with Angelique and Kate is about my dad's shoes. Or in Pennsylvania speak sneakers. as opposed to the north carolina gym shoes or tennis shoes etc. If you grew up in suburbia with working class parents that maintained their own yard you will be aware that your father owns at least one pair of yard sneakers. They are green from weedwhacking, flecked with paint and usually from the 80's. Even if he bought them in the last five years it was probably the kind of purchase where he went into the store and said "pair of the same, size 12" they are non descript reeboks. My father in a fit of cleaning and organizing the garage. (There is no longer a toy box as his youngest just turned 24 this summer, there are rubbermaid containers and a peg board for tools. It looks like an episode of clean sweep HGTV) Well he realized that he had two pairs of yard sneakers and decided to toss one pair into the Good Will bag or possibly if they were really hurting the trash. It took a couple of days before he realized that he had tossed one of each pair. Luckily it was a left and right so if he is ever suffering he will wear the mismatched yard sneakers until it is time for a shift down. We shall see.

Monday, September 20, 2004


even on short jaunts, airports and traveling exhaust me. I am weary. But stay tuned for the family stories and school starts this wednesday. My mood swiftly swings from anxiety to excitement with each passing hour.

Thursday, September 16, 2004


I am flying to PA tomorrow, so posts may be patchy. if you know how to reach me please do so as the excitement of a wedding shower and a christening and this much family time is making me slightly uncomfortable.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

blatant consumerism

my mama loved that phrase when I was emailing her today about my new clothes. Yesterday I went shopping. I really never have the money to do this and sadly the thrill of new things gets overridden by the guilt of my consumerism and debt. Really I am pathetic. Michael bought me clothes from tj maxx and old navy. I am really cheap, as you can see my my choices in the fashion arena, and the phrase blatant consumerism sums up my reaction to the new Cincinnati Mills Mall, which is apparently just the old mall with more bigger stuff. It is scary like entering a dungeon. I don't know what all the stuff they sell is for. I guess I shouldn't cause it is not really for anything except the thrill you get from new purchases. So while I fight the american way and try not to consume myself among the new purchases, I swim in the sea of stuff that fills my small (no storage) two bedroom apartment. Where does all of this STUFF come from? On top of my lust for more and fear of drowning in the stuff I already have is the idea that I will have to register for more and better stuff in a couple years. I guess I should just flip to the Williams Sonoma, Crate & Barrel websites and start looking at all the stuff.

parking problems

This morning when I left the apartment I was walking to my car and I had that flash. The one that you get in a mall parking lot during the holiday shopping season. Was I in A23? Purple16? Why do I drive a grey honda civic? Usually there is a parking spot right in front of my place. But, if during the day I park on one side of the block and then go out and return and park on the other side of the block; I leave the house in the morning utterly confident to my cars whereabouts only to stride halfway there before I realize I parked on the other side. This morning I was lucky and I started out in the right direction, with only a slight pause in my step as this flashed through my mind. Other mornings I have not been so slick. On really bad mornings there are several people out on the block, waiting for the bus, headed towards school etc. and I have to try to think of a way to play it cool as I turn around and head back down the block. Oh who I am kidding? I am so not cool. and I am negative cool points when I do this. At least I am not the slap yourself in the head and talk out loud kind of person. I can quietly look like an idiot to all of those people who I imagine notice me. Truthfully those people are just as worried about their own look. One of my favorite parts of the Helen Fielding book Olivia Joules and the overactive one is looking at you or thinking about you...they are all thinking about themselves just like you. If only I believed that in 6th and 7th grades, life would have gone so much more smoothly.

Monday, September 13, 2004

laziest person on the planet

my mother was right when she used to tell me (while I stayed in bed to finish a book) "the less you do the less you want to do" I have spent the month of August becoming comfortable with my laziness. I even made a list of things to do which I promptly lost. Well that is not entirely true, I am sure it is somewhere in the pile of paperwork that was referred to as #1 on said list. I could feel good about my laziness and enjoy the things that I did accomplish before michael returned. However, with michael here it is like living with a perpetual motion machine. The boy cannot stop moving or working. Even when I force him into vegging out in front of the tv he still taps his feet or his fingers, updates the audio to his website, sits on the edge of a chair and looks like something pressing is on his mind. How can you veg with a person like this? On the nice end of this his perpetual motion includes doing things for me, refilling my wine glass, setting up the wireless connection, running to Joey's del to buy me chips.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

untoward anger

things continue to be crazy around here now that michael has returned. I assume that they will be this way indefinitely. So I need to find my own patches of alone time, and me time, and steal them away from everything else. That way I can avoid bursts of untoward anger and further annoy the boy with the use of words like untoward.
un·to·ward adj.
Not favorable; unpropitious.
Troublesome; adverse: an untoward incident.
Hard to guide or control; unruly.
Improper; unseemly.
adj 1: not in keeping with accepted standards of what is right or proper in polite society; "was buried with indecent haste"; "indecorous behavior"; "language unbecoming to a lady"; "unseemly to use profanity"; "moved to curb their untoward ribaldry

Yesterday, we attended my company picnic...something that made me realize how frightening my wedding will be. Except instead of introducing michael to everyone's wives and babies we will both be introducing our entire families to each other (not to mention friends). Do you think as things get rolling I could still convince him to elope?
Last night we went to the barnjam in dayton. michael played an awesome set even after almost having a heartattack as 9 people (a la a mighty wind) got on the mini acoustic stage and casually maneuvered around his elaborate setup to play such bluegrass/country favorites like will the circle be unbroken. (thanks to robb I know the words now). It was a weird scene lots of kids from University of Dayton and their 'hip' -read snooty professors history profs and some philosophy and one christian leadership....I don't know what that is nor do I want to find out. They seemed to enjoy michael's show so that was cool, but they were not the openarmed pachouli smelling, have some of my beer, hippies I am used to meeting at michael's shows....more like the young college students, just trying out the scene, natty light drinking, hippies. alas no good beer for me.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

coke heads

tonight we went to see brother's past at the barrel house brewery. yummy beer. techno band with fancy lights and a sad singer. lots of synth and a keyboard player that plays 90's billy joel as sound check...very strange. but michael must support home town bands you know good connections etc. The drummer is cool, he wears headphones while he plays (big ones) michael turns to me and says that they are hooked up to the synth so that he can stay with it...later we find out from the guitarist/singer that they are just regular headphones. just blocking out sound and apparently the joke is that he is really listening to books on tape. I love that image. like dostoevsky with techno fading in the background as he rocks out on the cowbell. ridiculous.
oh about the title ...reference to 2nd or 3rd hand rumors about the band that I remembered while I was brushing my teeth...coke heads are really full of themselves right? gives you the feeling like you are on top of the world. enough that you would tell the locals that this is the crappiest place you expect to play on your heading west tour. well have fun in l.a. boys.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

much more interesting

here is what I should have written when instead I got stuck and told a stupid, whiny story about my dreams and my sleep cycles so here you go....
everyone is very happy about the engagement and after some prodding from my mama (thru our work email accounts) I did tell her that the wedding would not be taking place in a church. (notably, not a catholic church) after waiting anxiously for her reply and repeatedly hitting the refresh button on my email....she finally replied. She said she expected as much and did not seem disappointed (at least not that I could determine through email) She also didn't think it would blow my dad away which is very cool as he offered to pay for everything and I didn't want him to regret the offer or rescind it. This is very cool as most of my wedding anxiety is linked to my family and their religious and --I guess the best way to say it is-- cultural expectations. Now I just need to tell them I asked my brother, Matt, to get ordained online. "Can you really do that, or is it just something you saw on Friends?" Well apparently you can really do that because while discussing his reaction over drinks with friends (or over friends with drinks?) Quinn mentioned that he had been ordained thru the church of universal light and happiness or something smarmy like that. Not for any reason mind you...just because...and it probably amused him. Matt was very happy with the website especially the price (free) and told me his friends already asked him to baptize their child. He will get practice with this on the 18th when he becomes 'the godfather' of our first nephew. So everyone is happy now (so far).

no brakes

I don't have nearly as much to say now that the boy is back. I guess this is because I am not talking to myself as much. I did find out why my sleep was not real sleep last night (other than waking up at 1:30am when michael decided to read in bed and then again at 4am for no particular reason). On the way home from work I was stopped at a red light that I knew would turn green for me next. I was ooching forward and I suddenly remembered that I have been having recurring dreams that my car brakes aren't working. I hope these are not some sort of freaky premonition but I doubt it cause when it occurred to me I also realized that these dreams are not new. They are not scary flying of a cliff in an accident dreams but more like having really mushy brakes and having to push the pedal to the floor and pull up the emergency brake to keep the car from rolling back into a parked car. Wow that is so boring, (it hurts) but it is anxiety producing at the time. My solution for right now may include vodka, as that is my on my list of things to do for today. -return books and movies to library-go buy vodka -give quinn microwave and random other bits of furniture from the house.
that way the boy can have white russians and I can have it was said last night at Robb's "I don't like anything sissy like mixers to get in the way of my hangovers" and I can get rid of some of the furniture that has been taking over my apartment and the trunk of my car.
**check out my profile--I think it was stupid, so for now I am just updating it with the books I am reading(these change daily or every 2 days and probably will until school starts on the 22nd)**

Friday, September 03, 2004

quiet again

two quiet nights in a row. but tonight michael is in north carolina, and I am back to my usual free library movies and a book and wine.
my only problem is that I have watched all of the new movies worth watching...and available at the corryville public library, and occasionally I have to move towards foreign films. I like foreign films and subtitles do not bother me. But it becomes a problem when I have a less than good movie. I want to be able to read my book during the movie and the stupid subtitles make this impossible.
well that is boring. but so is my friday night.
I have not set up anything interesting with this yet. no pictures or connections to other sites. But in my blogaholism this summer I know the things I do like. One of those things is connecting to cool books, blogs or music from other sites.
So here is what I am reading: On the Occasion of My Last Afternoon by Kaye Gibbons.
not my favorite of hers (Charms for the Easy Life) and not as good as the one I just finished Divining Women but still I enjoy her writing
(I only get NBC so movies are my only choice)So I rented Whale Rider. I knew it would be a nice movie to watch again...alone....that way I could cry the way I did last week when I read The Lovely Bones and I got to the part where her father smashes the ship in a bottle collection. It is so nice not to have to explain how good that kind of cry is.
My current obsession is Angelique's new blog. it makes me so happy and connected to her. And it may even save me money on long distance...but it will problem just make me want to talk to her more often.
(I am a library girl ---the amazon links are just so you can see exactly what I am talking about-- angelique put divining women on hold at zach's library or charms you will enjoy at least one of them)

also check out michael's site when you have time and high speed. He is going to add a bunch of new live Mp3's and if I have anything to do with it he will also clean it up a little and make it presentable. You can tell him I said so.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

BBQ cookout

I really need to put a moratorium on the slightly drunk posts because my typing gets incredibly bad and I am sure I am more immature than I usually am..(which is very immature in case you haven't met me)
so anyway...getting over the whole scary engagement issue...still strange for me cause I get lots of congratulatory emails and phone calls. Especially cause I spent the last month living like a monk...granted a monk that rents a lot of free library videos every couple days but still...

Tonight I went with michael to target and meyer and to matt p's for a bbq ( which in my house we always called a cookout --is that a regional thing? my 2nd cousin amy is polling her office mates). Michael makes my life so busy, when before I was a bookish monk. Everyday there are things we need to 'take care of' when I get home from work. It is totally screwing up my meals. I definitely need to eat every two hours. (that whole losing my appetite thing was a joke cause I really woke up at 4 am after eating only champagne and I had to go make grilled cheese cause I couldn't sleep I was so hungry)
It was fun hanging out with Michelle, Matt, Robb & Sam, at the cookout, but it is strange to have an instant social agenda now that Michael has returned. I really should blame it on UC leases beginning in September but I feel like my contented reclusive days are over. I need to make a resolution that I will go to work without a hangover next week. That way I can remember what life was like in August.