playing

because I am not doing homework this is how I am spending my time.
I wanted to comment on my friends blogs, cincinnati friends. So I had to join xanga so I am playing with that. Here is the site www.xanga.com/nfancie

so maybe I will write there sometimes.
aren't I annoying, hard to track down, hard to be friends with....always moving all over the country or the internet.

out there

while I still compose mini blog entries in my head, I felt that they were silly and mundane and disrespectful to that fact that I am still torn apart about ashley's death. and more so about my fear and unhappiness for angelique. be well sweet girl. I want to be near you to hold your hand but instead I am in ohio.

on ohio
I am still in my winter funk. and not fun funk like michael's tunes, just sad wet dreary snowfilled cold ohio school ick. I am a passionate person, but I am tired of everything about school and most things about work. However I still come home from my good classes with my energy high, talking a mile a minute (in mom terms), freaking out about the state of education today and politics and the details of human development on a species level. I love school.

on loving school and hating winter
school is annoying and wonderful. I am completely behind and will need to literally hibernate for the rest of the quarter in order to get all of my papers finished. The only thing that makes me think I may get this done is the slow increase in daylight hours. The shortest day of the year has passed and now the sun is starting to rise on the way to work and still in the sky when I leave my early classes. funny how motivating that can be.

ashley

I can't even think of how to talk about this weekend. Back to Pennsylvania in a 8 hour drive...the only time I didn't dread the drive, to be near Angelique.

Ashley
I don't know what to write about Ashley.

-She was only 24 (did she turn 25 yet?)
-She was wickedly smart.
-musical
-studying economics (eek!) and enjoying it.
-had the same funky mole above her knee that I do.
-told me once that I looked like Jodie Foster (not really)
-would raise one eyebrow when she thought you were acting too stupid, or telling bad jokes, or trying to get one past her.
-was more adult than me at 13...more of a grown up than I probably am now.
-danced her butt off at Angelique's thunderstormy wedding
-didn't need to be drunk to do that
-overloved all the kittens and zoe
-fed zoe (the husky dog) french toast off of a fork
silly little things, I know, but just what comes to mind this evening.
I hurt inside to think of her family and the struggle of this last year and a half. these events often make me wish for religion. this does not make me wish that. I keep thinking of the description of heaven in the book "The Lovely Bones" not necessarily a favorite, but I like the girl in her personal heaven, outside the high school, on the swings, and only having to go inside for art and music. no bells ringing or mean kids. I probably think of this because I haven't spent real time with Ashley since high school.

I know only a couple people who may read this in the next week. so if you knew ashley leave a note...something you remember, it will be nice to remember together even if it is online. thanks.

I read, I watch bad TV, I cook without using a measuring cups...

reading: letters from marx...communist tracts. by putting this on the internet does the put me on some sort of government subversive watch list or am I watching too many movies. also reading (or should be) human development reports for government agencies....aren't you sad. you are missing out.

watching: E! true hollywood whatever between work and class for 20 minutes...numerous episodes of law & order, the simpsons, (instead of the nightly news and weather, which explains why I wore a sweater to work today even though it was 70 degrees --it is JANUARY! what is up with this...michael wants to find a connection to the earthquakes and tsunami but even a conspiracy theorist like me is having problems with that one. I did start to listen to a little weather...it is supposed to be 10 degrees by friday.)

If you would like to be a participant in the Nancy & Michael test kitchens, send me an email and I will start to send you recipes. We cook all the time, but are bad about using measuring cups and spoons. This makes it very difficult to share recipes with friends and family. Especially those who consider using the toaster, cooking. We are going to try to make up amounts for some of the food we cook and enjoy. Then give the recipes to you...then I need to hear if we screwed up in our guesstimates of amounts of things. like it needed more pepper...it tasted like ass...the noodles soaked up all the broth.

Yummy recipe this week. some sort of asian style mushrooms soup...ginger, veggie stock, whole mushrooms, green onions other stuff....yum.

headache

so, I love wine. but I really don't need to help my friends drink 4 bottles and champagne for one evening. Last night was fun. lots of friends. Nora and Quinn rock...they brought wine and pizza and junk food into my house. and I was eating healthy. the pizza was good.
now I have a huge list of things I need to do. including my christmas thank you notes and I am sitting in bed playing on the internet with my new laptop. This is the most expensive toy I ever bought and if it doesn't make my headache or my homework go away soon I think I will feel very guilty. Shouldn't I be saving for a house or something. maybe if I had a real job or a clue about what city and what part of the country I was headed to in next year or so.
Beyond that it is wonderful to hang out with so many great people. Also good to talk to them to realize that everyone's life is just as crazy. I want to lay out years in advance. plan the wedding/party that michael will love, figure out where I am living working etc. and I really need to do one thing at a time. Like start with cleaning my junk out in the office and paying bills and moving on to the big things as they come.

grades, rain, dance parties

did I tell you about freaking out about my B's from last quarter? Well, I found out today that one was primarily due to the fact that I inadvertently didn't answer two test questions on a take home final. I am not going to add up the missed points and recalculate the grade with the skipped questions. I am just going to sit and type and wonder how it is possible to skip part e of question 2 and 3. Do I just block out the letter e in outlines and any information that follows it? I would love to be able to blame the formatting on the computer, but when I read the questions they don't look even vaguely familiar to me. Like I didn't even attempt to answer them. That is pathetic.

other stuff

it has been raining in cincinnati since we returned on sunday. this is getting old. especially because on sunday it was about 50 degrees out and the temperature has been dropping since. So now it is rainy and cold. By the time I get to class my pants are soaked to the knees. I need boots or rain pants (do they make rain pants?). a 2 1/2 hour class is just enough time to dry out almost but not the cuffs, before it is time to venture out again.

tonight michael and I had a dance party in the house. it was fun but I miss Amy's cyclotron, either that or I need Michele and some fat bastard chardonnay to make it really happen. I suggest personal dance parties for your next rainy day/week.

bloomsburg

so eventually I did get out of snowy cincinnati. spent 2 days with my family and the rest of the time in bloomsburg. I will miss cafe mollo in the mornings or afternoons or whenever you get out of bed someone asks if you would like some breakfast. all you have to do is sit and look at the paper.

from the streets of bloomsburg I was accosted by a woman with a small child in tow.
"would you like the free gift of eternal life?"
me-"uh, no thanks" don't walk light goes off but walk does not turn on...must be burnt out...or the will of god.
her "its already been paid for."
who knew?


also favorite overly repeated quote of the holiday(from kate)

why are the crachet's all wearing red in the last scene of a christmas carol?
several normal child suggestions are thrown out by members of the youth theater group...then out of nowhere
"maybe its for the blood of christ, uhdunknow" --said more like a throat noise that actual words

and that is the end of my jesus talk for what I hope is a long long time.

in other news.
I am freaking out with the idea of starting classes again tonight and work again tomorrow.
I just bought a powerbook and I love it a lot.

eve

still in cincinnati and hoping that the roads and the lines at the airport and the planes will let me leave today. everything is on time so far.

stuck

so there has been a massive snow storm and I am trapped in cincinnati. (is this a circle of hell?) my flight has been cancelled and with a 40 minute hold I rescheduled. the taxi scheduled to pick me up at 8am has not arrived (it is now 9:30am). If I had any hair left (you will see what I am talking about soon michael, --I hope--) I would be pulling it out. it is a level 3 snow emergency...-"whatever that means"-mom. which according to the news means that if you are not a plow or an emergency worker you should not drive--and as an added benefit if we catch you driving...or stuck in a snow bank, we can ticket/arrest you. lovely. not that my honda civic was going anywhere anyway. there was a bus trapped on my block for about 2 hours this morning, it was sideways and blocking a lane and a side street. I love christmas. oh and the best yet is that the news says the airport has run out of de-icer. do you think the clerk responsible for that order will have a job in the new year? I wish that this snow emergency would go away if only to provide me with some mindless daytime tv instead of the constant news and weather on every channel (that is all channels but PBS, they are showing teletubbies and callilou---it must be hell).

christmas is coming...

is everybody happy??? whatever.
this morning I woke up extremely early to scare myself by listening to weather and traffic reports, then I went out super early to scrape and brush all the snow and ice off of my car. (a kind of circular process when it is still snowing) I got in and my (new) windshield wipers were doing a piss poor job of removing any water from the windshield. I drove (slid) around the block and parked in a different spot. no work for me today. which just give me more time to get anxious about holiday traveling and the continuous snow. (which sadly could be so fun if I was not here by myself and agonizing about the possibility of spending an eternity in the crappy no restaurants part of the airport. why do I live in cincinnati? wait don't answer that. it was rhetorical, I swear. I called into work (what a lame day to miss, the office move, holiday snacks, nothing crazy.) and to my mama so she wouldn't worry 'bout me. she warned me of the airline I am flying, its job cuts and the high probability of not receiving my luggage in a timely manner. I repacked my carry-on to include christmas presents and dress clothes instead of just a books and snacks. did I mention that michael forgot to pack dress clothes (and shoes) and I have to check a bag just to provide him with shoes (not sneaker, or gym shoes, or tennis or whatever you call them in your part of the world). so, while packing the bag I figured I may as well continue my tradition of overpacking and not keeping track of outfits to days ratio etc. I threw in extra clothes for the both of us. now if 'ridiculous christmas' does not fully outfit us, I shall.
can't believe I wrote so much drivel. this from someone who watched morning talk shows and weather all morning.

say it with me: "a B is not a bad grade."

"say it with me: "a B is not a bad grade." Think of the starving orphans in Africa who don't even have letter grades."-amy

thank you amy.

now maybe I can get on with my life. hahahaha

fragile

you know things are not quite right when the dilemmas of friday night sitcoms make you feel anxious.


stupid rudolph and your stupid voice and stupid nose noise.
why can't all of these cartoons and hallmark visions and animated dolls and claymation just stop saving christmas?


time for bed.

more from the waist pants queen

so onward to becoming the girl I loathed in high school, I am now checking online for my grades (which won't officially be posted until tomorrow) approximately every 15 minutes. Well michael got his yesterday why are mine not there yet? also because I cried when I did poorly on an exam and got a B in Language Development. Is it the girl hormones talking or am I really that upset about a B? I am neurotic, which seems better than being psychotic (which is a more applicable title) because neurosis are so hard and science based and oliver sacks-like instead of mental and intangible and guilty and irrepressible.

am I making any sense?

in other news (narcissistic hmm?),
I am getting lots of sleep....so much that I still feel sleepy all the time.
I sent out christmas cards (for real). why did I expect that doing christmas cards with michael would be a fun filled holiday event?, when really it was just us grumbling about not knowing what to write at the kitchen table and hurrying through. where is the hot chocolate sipping, christmas carol singing, warm fire, food filled table, laughter filled holiday?...just in the woman's day magazine filled with crafts you too can make at home from empty paper towel rolls, gingham fabric and buttons.
my I am on a rant today...and to think I have left this alone because I didn't think I had anything to write.

books

just in case you think I have been doing nothing with the last 6 days of no homework. Here is what I have read.
April Witch : A Novel by MAJGULL AXELSSON

also young adult books by

Gathering Blue (Readers Circle) by LOIS LOWRY

Meet the Austins (Laurel Leaf Books) by MADELEINE L'ENGLE

yes I read children's books to omany litereacy classes now not to, but I do not suggest the last one unless you reminisce of idyllic family life in the early 60's. ick. Gathering Blue is similar to the giver but not as cool and April Witch has some nice character development but I wouldn't buy it for a gift for anyone.

ideas

does anyone have any ideas for a really kick ass $40 gift for my family's cutthroat christmas extravaganza? (or one of those things where the presents get traded around the room a million times?) I am done with alcohol based gifts as I have done that route for the past 2-3 years and I am feeling like an alcoholic or like the enabler that condones someone elses...anyway. I also did funky house things and a painting by moi in the past. this year I need to go in with michael. so all ideas are welcome.

finals make me lame

I am boring because it is finals time. Too much work, too little time.
no time to read or take long tubs or to sip wine (well I squeeze that last one it a little bit). and nice michael read to me before bed last night. so sweet. southern thanksgiving was southern. there was pecan pie and sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top. also lots of congratulations and bottles of champagne. what a wonderful step family.

congratulations to michele and joel on new baby Kayla.

the CEA's and one more road trip coming up.

still alive. but unable to post and be cool cause of papers ugh. so boring. I am sure to read about too.

Last night I went to the CEA's (Cincinnati Entertainment Awards). So funny, its like the academy awards but for Cincy. the video was great just like real awards ceremonies (with a beautiful female voice over and sound effects and swoopy graphics ....--and the nominees for best....--), Old St. George was too cool, with empty holy water fonts that had faucets in them (I wonder if they still work? ...would it still be holy? or is it just water now that this is a concert/event venue?) The noise echoed off the stained glass and other architectural elements that I can't remember the names of now. Michael didn't win but I had 3 glasses of wine (and its funny my cold is back full strength today....couldn't be the wine). People were dressed up in all sorts of cool attire. from hipster to ball gown to african tribal and faux pink fur stoles. and even down to me in my boring work clothes and bag heavy with books). Congratulations to Quinn! and Cathedrals who won best new artist. I hope there was time for free drinks boys.
I am glad we don't have to keep a CEA in our living room it was very ugly. Michael said I would say the same thing about his grammy. I told him he could keep it with is scoring academy award in his studio.
off to Greenville, South Carolina for thanksgiving tomorrow after work.

sorry about all of the side notes and parenthesis...lots to say and no time to type it...must write papers during pathetic lunch half hour.

just finished reading

two young adult children's books:
Holes by Louis Sachar
and
The Double Life of Zoe Flynn by Janet Lee Carey
I recommend the first for kids...the second...eh.
the first is also a suggested read aloud for both michael in the car and 4-6th graders.

also
Marie Claire...sorry the pms made me do it...what tripe...but the pictures are so colorful I can't help myself
Rolling Stone ...what can I say it came free in the mail...interesting eminem interview...also nice to see a long interview that had not been reduced to a 16point font and a serious of sound bites and exclamation points.

please send me suggestions for the break between fall and winter quarter...I will be searching for something good.

apologies

for the lack of motivation and updates. my procrastination has crept past school work and into my every day life.
other news:
-amy's wedding was a fantastic party, with beautiful cake and people and drinks and so much dancing that my lazy butt was sore the next day.
-dave's baby is huge...really as michael says "the incredible exploding baby" we love him anyway and assume his skinny tall murphy genes will arise when he reaches school ages and becomes all limbs, wrists and ankles sticking out of clothing etc. (besides that skinny babies are scary lizard people and chubby babies long to be eaten alive[in gingerbread houses?])
-john, april and puppy are like my idyllic lifestyle. cable and a puppy, a house with a yard, taking me out for dinner and drinking for a belated b-day. I had more of a life there than I have since...well since I don't know when? undergrad?
as for me...
I am drowning in homework, pms, wine, chips, and moods. an 8 of 10 is enough to bum me out for the day so less than that can make me cry. (so can cheesy commercials or just starting to try to think of how I will support myself during my year long --unpaid--internship next year) I am set up for failure. I have never gotten such good grades. ever. my dad wants to know what is different? (I guess he means from h.s. and undergrad) difference is my age I assume, I'm paying, and my work ethic has changed. Essentially I am proving something to myself. unfortunately my h.s. mediocrity was probably a protection mechanism, doing average was easy and stress free. Paper due today? I can write it during homeroom or the morning sports assembly. Now I am obsessive. I do all the reading. (really, all of it) where did this person come from?

at work

can I tell you?
that dr.pepper, with crushy ice and a straw
is like the best thing ever.
ah



also not having my thursday night class. mmmm