playing

because I am not doing homework this is how I am spending my time.
I wanted to comment on my friends blogs, cincinnati friends. So I had to join xanga so I am playing with that. Here is the site www.xanga.com/nfancie

so maybe I will write there sometimes.
aren't I annoying, hard to track down, hard to be friends with....always moving all over the country or the internet.

out there

while I still compose mini blog entries in my head, I felt that they were silly and mundane and disrespectful to that fact that I am still torn apart about ashley's death. and more so about my fear and unhappiness for angelique. be well sweet girl. I want to be near you to hold your hand but instead I am in ohio.

on ohio
I am still in my winter funk. and not fun funk like michael's tunes, just sad wet dreary snowfilled cold ohio school ick. I am a passionate person, but I am tired of everything about school and most things about work. However I still come home from my good classes with my energy high, talking a mile a minute (in mom terms), freaking out about the state of education today and politics and the details of human development on a species level. I love school.

on loving school and hating winter
school is annoying and wonderful. I am completely behind and will need to literally hibernate for the rest of the quarter in order to get all of my papers finished. The only thing that makes me think I may get this done is the slow increase in daylight hours. The shortest day of the year has passed and now the sun is starting to rise on the way to work and still in the sky when I leave my early classes. funny how motivating that can be.

ashley

I can't even think of how to talk about this weekend. Back to Pennsylvania in a 8 hour drive...the only time I didn't dread the drive, to be near Angelique.

Ashley
I don't know what to write about Ashley.

-She was only 24 (did she turn 25 yet?)
-She was wickedly smart.
-musical
-studying economics (eek!) and enjoying it.
-had the same funky mole above her knee that I do.
-told me once that I looked like Jodie Foster (not really)
-would raise one eyebrow when she thought you were acting too stupid, or telling bad jokes, or trying to get one past her.
-was more adult than me at 13...more of a grown up than I probably am now.
-danced her butt off at Angelique's thunderstormy wedding
-didn't need to be drunk to do that
-overloved all the kittens and zoe
-fed zoe (the husky dog) french toast off of a fork
silly little things, I know, but just what comes to mind this evening.
I hurt inside to think of her family and the struggle of this last year and a half. these events often make me wish for religion. this does not make me wish that. I keep thinking of the description of heaven in the book "The Lovely Bones" not necessarily a favorite, but I like the girl in her personal heaven, outside the high school, on the swings, and only having to go inside for art and music. no bells ringing or mean kids. I probably think of this because I haven't spent real time with Ashley since high school.

I know only a couple people who may read this in the next week. so if you knew ashley leave a note...something you remember, it will be nice to remember together even if it is online. thanks.

I read, I watch bad TV, I cook without using a measuring cups...

reading: letters from marx...communist tracts. by putting this on the internet does the put me on some sort of government subversive watch list or am I watching too many movies. also reading (or should be) human development reports for government agencies....aren't you sad. you are missing out.

watching: E! true hollywood whatever between work and class for 20 minutes...numerous episodes of law & order, the simpsons, (instead of the nightly news and weather, which explains why I wore a sweater to work today even though it was 70 degrees --it is JANUARY! what is up with this...michael wants to find a connection to the earthquakes and tsunami but even a conspiracy theorist like me is having problems with that one. I did start to listen to a little weather...it is supposed to be 10 degrees by friday.)

If you would like to be a participant in the Nancy & Michael test kitchens, send me an email and I will start to send you recipes. We cook all the time, but are bad about using measuring cups and spoons. This makes it very difficult to share recipes with friends and family. Especially those who consider using the toaster, cooking. We are going to try to make up amounts for some of the food we cook and enjoy. Then give the recipes to you...then I need to hear if we screwed up in our guesstimates of amounts of things. like it needed more pepper...it tasted like ass...the noodles soaked up all the broth.

Yummy recipe this week. some sort of asian style mushrooms soup...ginger, veggie stock, whole mushrooms, green onions other stuff....yum.

headache

so, I love wine. but I really don't need to help my friends drink 4 bottles and champagne for one evening. Last night was fun. lots of friends. Nora and Quinn rock...they brought wine and pizza and junk food into my house. and I was eating healthy. the pizza was good.
now I have a huge list of things I need to do. including my christmas thank you notes and I am sitting in bed playing on the internet with my new laptop. This is the most expensive toy I ever bought and if it doesn't make my headache or my homework go away soon I think I will feel very guilty. Shouldn't I be saving for a house or something. maybe if I had a real job or a clue about what city and what part of the country I was headed to in next year or so.
Beyond that it is wonderful to hang out with so many great people. Also good to talk to them to realize that everyone's life is just as crazy. I want to lay out years in advance. plan the wedding/party that michael will love, figure out where I am living working etc. and I really need to do one thing at a time. Like start with cleaning my junk out in the office and paying bills and moving on to the big things as they come.

grades, rain, dance parties

did I tell you about freaking out about my B's from last quarter? Well, I found out today that one was primarily due to the fact that I inadvertently didn't answer two test questions on a take home final. I am not going to add up the missed points and recalculate the grade with the skipped questions. I am just going to sit and type and wonder how it is possible to skip part e of question 2 and 3. Do I just block out the letter e in outlines and any information that follows it? I would love to be able to blame the formatting on the computer, but when I read the questions they don't look even vaguely familiar to me. Like I didn't even attempt to answer them. That is pathetic.

other stuff

it has been raining in cincinnati since we returned on sunday. this is getting old. especially because on sunday it was about 50 degrees out and the temperature has been dropping since. So now it is rainy and cold. By the time I get to class my pants are soaked to the knees. I need boots or rain pants (do they make rain pants?). a 2 1/2 hour class is just enough time to dry out almost but not the cuffs, before it is time to venture out again.

tonight michael and I had a dance party in the house. it was fun but I miss Amy's cyclotron, either that or I need Michele and some fat bastard chardonnay to make it really happen. I suggest personal dance parties for your next rainy day/week.

bloomsburg

so eventually I did get out of snowy cincinnati. spent 2 days with my family and the rest of the time in bloomsburg. I will miss cafe mollo in the mornings or afternoons or whenever you get out of bed someone asks if you would like some breakfast. all you have to do is sit and look at the paper.

from the streets of bloomsburg I was accosted by a woman with a small child in tow.
"would you like the free gift of eternal life?"
me-"uh, no thanks" don't walk light goes off but walk does not turn on...must be burnt out...or the will of god.
her "its already been paid for."
who knew?


also favorite overly repeated quote of the holiday(from kate)

why are the crachet's all wearing red in the last scene of a christmas carol?
several normal child suggestions are thrown out by members of the youth theater group...then out of nowhere
"maybe its for the blood of christ, uhdunknow" --said more like a throat noise that actual words

and that is the end of my jesus talk for what I hope is a long long time.

in other news.
I am freaking out with the idea of starting classes again tonight and work again tomorrow.
I just bought a powerbook and I love it a lot.