still

The waiting game sucks more so upon receiving a contract on a Saturday afternoon that says
salary shall be Class ____BLANK!, level ____BLANK!. That is not me self censoring. It is empty.
hmm
Its kind of hard to get a new apartment with a salary of BLANK LINES ________. And now I must continue to be tortured until Monday afternoon (at least) when I can call and leave a message for everyone and their supervisor, HR director, and their mothers to try to figure out how to fill in the ___s.

waiting

"And now we play the waiting game."
"..."
"The waiting game sucks, let's play hungry hungry hippos."

obvious

I love how obviously information is presented through computers on tv shows. Tonight Law and Order: SVU. Mariska, (what's her characters name in the show?update: Olivia Benson) finds an address through an internet router and it comes through as a large print pop up box.

CSI or House or one of those shows that makes use of computer animation to show the inside workings of the body-big pictures on the screen of molecules or dirt become big printed breakdowns of chemical material in laymen's terms.

Is this the computing of the future? Playskool versions of computers where everything looks like the BIG world from Super Mario Brother's 3. Is this what today's computers look like to people that used to use punch cards?

the last couple days

This seems supremely boring here, but I haven't been very good about writing here so I want to get a start doing more, so...

A list like update of food I ate (and drinks I drank) over the last couple of days interspersed with daily events:

Wednesday-Shadowbox with Alyssa and Trent (some cool waiter/actor or if you prefer actor/waiter totally hooked me up (beyond Michael's free tickets hook up and gave me free drinks)

Thursday-nothin special, can't really remember, oh wait I already wrote a post about getting a call about a teaching job.

Friday-irritating meeting with the ABA guy where he repeats himself about 700 times in case we are too dense to get it the first ten, then silly older mellow people Cinco de Mayo party. When I told Quinn I went to a Cinco de Mayo party he asked if I helped anyone flip a car. It seems this type of thing was a problem before I moved here. This party was very adult and there were several small children in attendance. I brought Virgin Margarita's for the pregnant/nursing ladies.

Me "I think I will make virgin Margarita's for the Cinco de Mayo ."
Michael "So, just a pitcher of lime juice then."
Me "Oops, what goes in a Margarita?"
Michael "Tequila, triple sec, lime juice."
So, I bought lime-ade concentrate and added some fresh lime juice, and sugar, and the girls just rimmed their glasses in coarse salt...yum. I wanted to make guacamole but the avocados I bought weren't ripe yet.

Saturday-Nora's derby party with Burgoo, wings, and Mint Juleps. I picked the winner by sight without looking at the odds. I like the number 8 and the blanket was pink.

Sunday-Chinese food for brunch then, yummy, yummy Brio thanks to Trent. lobster bisque, mussels, Caesar salad, spinach and artichoke dip...by the time the entrees came I was going to explode, I wished it just came in the to go box. But the pasta (Michael's) and my crabcakes were just as tasty the next day.

Monday-class then free Chipotle for participating in a focus group for a study

Tuesday-I passed my ridiculous portfolio meeting. (which is akin to a masters thesis defense, but I didn't do a thesis, I did a stupid portfolio) Then I cleaned the whole apartment and made guacamole with the finally ripe avocados.

-The rent in LA is going to bankrupt me, but I can't wait for cheap and local avocados.

--I ate enough food in the last 5 days to probably make up all the weight I lost and some. Yay food. I love food.

call back

Tonight, I got a phone call about a job in Pasadena. Is this a good job? I have no idea, I was so frantically sending out resumes and worrying about how I would pay rent that I didn't think too hard about what I was actually looking for. This is the first response I have received that seems to be actually interested. Other schools that sent emails just asked for my letters of recommendation (don't have them all yet) or my transcripts and credential (still in school, waiting for credential info from the state of Ohio), or to request that I get back to them when the state of California gets back to me (about a bunch of credentialing forms I have not sent in yet). The job would be working with the same little guys I work with now, but in a neighborhood school (sort of my ideal) and in a district school that would count to get my Perkins loan waived. (based on SES of school, based on free lunch ratio of kids). It is hard to make a judgment about school districts and neighborhood from the internet alone. Of course this may all be speculation but the HR person on the phone seemed very positive, and I got a another follow up call from a different school administrator that I missed, that seems pretty serious.

more good things

• Everyone that I asked to be a reference or write a reference letter is super cool and very willing to say nice things about me. Isn't that good. I can't imagine how awkward or disheartening it would be to have to wait forever to hear back from these people or hear nothing at all and have to ask again and again. But yay people are being cool. I will feel better when I find an apartment but one thing at a time and until then I will just continue my love affair with craig's list. refresh refresh refresh...still no July 1st listings.
• I have almost completely finished the neverending whine that is my Master's portfolio
• This week has been my Spring break from my internship and it took me until Thursday to remember how to stay up late and sleep in. Now how many days will it take me to start waking up early again?
  

something good

I hate leaving up a bad post. So this is just a placeholder to say, I am holding it together. Things are crazy but entirely manageable. It was great to go sit out in the Biergarten with Quinn and friends and not do any work last night. The weather is fantastic and if nothing else the sunlight is making my life so much easier (easier to get out of bed in the morning, easier to keep getting work done in the evening) and of course I really need to get back to writing papers now.

One of those days

Its been one of those days where nothing is really going wrong, but when I sit down at night I feel like everything has been driving me crazy. I feel like my body is vibrating tonight with all of my stress over school, work, moving etc. that I don't know what to work on. I feel over caffeinated (but I'm not) or all keyed up like I get when I take allergy medication (I haven't). I can blame the intensity of my professor in class tonight, who sounded like she was shouting all evening (and even felt the need to interject my name into one such statement --totally randomly like I was a little kid ready to wander into the street, or like had just asked her a question about that point and she wanted my attention [I hadn't, she had it]--and this is a big class with about 20 people or so). I can blame it on the intensity of sharing 3 minutes before and after class wtih ~10 people as keyed up and stressed as I am about completing their degree requirements. I can blame it on getting lost in the menu of the California teacher credentialing board and listening to their menu twice without hearing anything, before finally hitting a random button and being connected to a message that told me the office hours ended at 4:45 PST, it was 7:45EST and I probably would have made it in time if I had pressed a button my first time through the menu but I got distracted by the Internet and didn't hear any of the "press 6 if you know your party's extension and would like to dial it now." Also who closes their office at 4:45? I could blame it on the seemingly endless stream of evening emails between me and my internship supervisor about mysterious requirements that I think she makes up during her commute back to good old Kentucky. But if I am going to place blame I think I should blame my crappy day on everyone and go with the Simpson's quote "You know what I blame this on the downfall of? Society!"-Moe Syzslak

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELIQUE!

Angelique, Here is a long ago picture of you at a beach in Germany (April 2000 I think?) You are 29 today. Sort of an eh number to turn, but if you are like me you can just start telling all the old ladies you work with that you are thirty. It has been an intense year but I am so glad that we have stayed such close friends even though we haven't lived near each other since we were Junior's in high school. Remember high school? Yeah, that was lame, doesn't it make you glad you are 29 now and can do what you want to do. Go places without a hall pass. Drive your own car 9 hours to visit your friend in Cincinnati. Move to a new state. Drink beer (or wine for me) (or scotch if you prefer). Decorate your own apartment (or maybe a house sometime). Make drastic career changes and life changes and ignore the idea that you need to live your life like it is preplanned...school, marriage, baby whatever, We can keep changing our minds about what we want to be when we grow up (when is that? grown up? I was waiting for it but I don't think it happened yet, besides all the changes keep things interesting. You can live in a place where you can walk to a store and buy fresh flowers and fruit to put in a bowl in your own kitchen. Some sort of random things but the kinds of things that make me happy. Hope you have a good day and you get to go out to eat yummy food. (and chocolate cake!)

Here is the most recent picture I could find of us together. You know I love you and it is your birthday because I took the time to get rid of your red eye and I still posted the picture even though I am doing that weird taking my own picture without a timer double chin thing.

and here is another one from when Amy and I came to see you in Germany


and one more


***2006 update-don't amy and angelique look like babies in this picture?

wedding wedding wedding

I need to settle all sorts of wedding stuff before I can start to do all sorts of moving to L.A. preparations (and truthfully somewhere in there I need to fit in work, internship and school work but that is another whiney post for another time). So this weekend I started to get things done for everything, I pried myself away from job listings and apartment listings to get out of the house and get things done. When I got home I was even so motivated as to organize my desk and computer and upload some old photographs. If you are feeling in need of some wedding rants by all means read on. If you know it will make you crazy stop now. And as usual if you have any questions or advice for the L.A. move let me know.

The Dress

Yesterday and today I went wedding dress shopping with my friend Lili. This was helpful in avoiding any actual thesis/portfolio writing. So I felt it was a good compromise, work & dress shopping instead of work & schoolwork. Of course this just means that I again need to alter my calendar and move back when I am writing what and try to convince myself to write more after school (with the kids) and class (with the other teachers) during the week.
And today I was able to cross something off the wedding list when I finally bought the dress. Or at least put 60% down on The Dress. I (like so many girls I know) went completely against everything I said I wanted in a dress to buy one that truly flattered my figure. I thought because I was tall I could look good in a simple slip dress (what my mother continually refers to as the Carolyn-Bisset-Kennedy-type-dress), but like my shorter friends I too looked like I was tromping around in my mommy's night gown in that type dress.
So the dress, the dress is ivory and plain and strapless (because in the early 2000's it is apparently only possible to buy strapless or halter style dresses and again you hafta go with what flatters). It is long and A-line and has the dreaded crinoline that I thought I could avoid. It has (wait for it Nora) a BOW. I love ribbons and it has a nice ribbon, high on the waist. The ribbon I ordered is called something stupid like baby's breath, but is really champagne colored with bedazzled jewels on it and flowery sort of shiny embroidery. (bored yet? I am) So I might trade that out for a blue ribbon, cause I like blue and I picked blue hydrangeas as flowers so blue, blue, blue, like the polar opposite of Shelby in Steel Magnolias and her signature colors of Blush and Bashful. Whatever. I have no pictures. Sorry. Just imagine me, tall, strapless, weddingy, but not like a total cake topper, because I totally tried on some dresses that looked so much like icing that I wanted to eat them.

New Ring

Here is a picture of my new engagement ring. It came from this company that Michael found online. All very ecologically responsible of him. I realize now it is better to do the little things you can do, than cynically give in to the idea that things are so bad there is no saving them. So I love it. It is blue and wedding ring like and very comfy to wear, which was my only issue with my first ring.








Here's the up close version. I will post more tonight I finally got out the camera cord and uploaded my pictures from Christmas on. Sad isn't it. I guess I need to make a resolution about monthly uploads, that and taking the camera everywhere, because I feel desperate without it whenever something crazy or beautiful happens.

news

So the news is, Michael got accepted to USC for a graduate certificate in film and television scoring. We are going to try to move to LA in July. I have so much to think about and do that I can't really think of how to start writing about it. So if you have any questions, ask me. Maybe that will get me going.


--also I really will be getting photos off my camera soon and posting some. I love my huge memory card but it makes me so lazy. I know I have about 6 short movies on there, along with hundreds of photos.

we interrupt your regularly scheduled program for...

As an avid reader of my blog you may remember this post about how WCPO can suck it.
Today (again) I realize I need to leave the fine city of Cincinnati* as they interrupt my Friday television with a special news report BREAKING NEWS ( I think, who got shot?** is it near my house? like a couple blocks away?) NO! but UC has named a new basketball coach. wow. That was exciting. Definitely worth interrupting the regular programming. ***

* does the sarcasm shine through here? Do I need to italicize or faux air quote?
**the only shooting they talked about was the cross town shootout. New coach guy has never missed one. Good to hear it new coach guy.
*** also a reason why I was happy to watch Duke go down earlier this week. I get irritated by basketball obsessed universities.

Now I must go, and watch Oprah teach me how to get out of debt. And exclaim over a teenager that owns 25 VS bras. Oprah says "almost more...I mean...almost as many as I own." How is it we can take this woman seriously about debt reduction. Did you see the show where people came and shopped in her closet rejects and she gave the money to charity? When I bring my closet rejects to the Goodwill I drive away fast so I can't see them throw my stuff away.

some things (really a lot of nonsense)

I have a pen on the top of my refrigerator it is turquoise with pink writing that says Kathleen on the side. I remember this pen from my parents house so I have no idea what the half life is of a pen but I have a feeling it may have been picked up from one of my sister's elementary school classmates. weird. I wonder if it will be working when the new Kathleen learns how to write.

I have this annoying cough. It doesn't bother me as much as it bothers all those around me (=Michael) He slept on the futon last night (around 4:30am) and didn't even bother to fold it down into an actual bed. This is too bad because it is the most uncomfortable couch like thing on the planet, but as a bed it is not to horrible.

The cough is the dry hacking desperate kind and the worst part is I have no control over it. I am the irritating person that is in every theater and quiet lecture. Any ideas on how to get rid of this more quickly? I don't really feel like taking a 'tussin type cough suppressant, they just make my cough more weak and pathetic and useless, while making my eyes water.

Michael and I just got back from a mega-store in Kentucky called the Party Source. This is a great place full of very cheap wine. I didn't get past aisle 4 or 5 because we only had about 10 minutes to do all our shopping. I hate that kind of shopping, especially in a place with so much wine to explore.

Alas, he had to meet a guy about a job (sounds illicit in a mobster sort of way, but isn't) Do you think mobsters meet in bookstore coffee shops? If they do I wonder if they have the same volume control issues that this guy had? I was standing about 20 feet away looking at magazines and I could hear this guy (the loud talker) telling Michael he needed a fax number and could he have it now or get it later and on Monday after the other meeting Michael would need to start checking his voice mail every 3-4 hours and expecting faxes... I hate these types of people (I hate people that tell me what I need to do --like check my own voicemail--hence uncollaborative) but luckily Michael thinks he is funny (in an amusing from a distance sort of way) Michael said "This guy is a caricature of himself."
So can you imagine some Sopranos-esque dialogue in a bookstore coffee shop? Because this guy has used the phrase bada bing, and not in an ironic sort of way.

While we were at the bookstore I used some kumquat/lime hand lotion. It sounds nice but I can't really smell it so I tried to just pick one that seemed good so I bypassed the rose (bleh flowery). I feel the same way about perfume and food lately, ambivalent. I put on perfume in the mornings but I don't know why. And I am really not into food (like I have been nuking lean pockets for dinner, ew). This is really weird for me. I just don't feel like cooking. I made some chicken soup the other day with vegetables and acine di pepe. I had Michael taste it because I thought I might have added too much water and for me it was just hot liquid. He said it was good, so I sprinkled the top with cayenne pepper before I ate it. Then I burned my tongue on it.

Last night and this morning I cleaned the apartment. Michael says it smells clean now. Again more about this vital sense that I have been without for a week. I am happy because now I can walk around the kitchen in my socks and I don't get stuck to the floor.(no really it wasn't that bad--well maybe near the fridge). I also organized all my books and things so that makes me feel better. It goes with this book I read about the home environments affect on your general well being. I will post about it in my xanga when I get a chance.

This coming week is my Spring Break from the University but not from my school where I teach. So I still need to get up early in the mornings but I don't have to go to class at night. This is really lame. I thought the good thing about being a student was vacations like Spring Break that don't exist in the real world. Now I am always working or at my internship regardless of school vacations. This self supporting stuff is nonsense.

baby

I have a new niece, Kathleen Patricia! I wish I could go see her but for once it is good that I live in Ohio, because I am dying of some mucousy illness that I just can't shake. Spring Break is next week, so maybe I will finally take some time to get some photos off my camera and on here.

travel

Here are the places I have been to in the U.S. I know that I have probably driven through parts of Georgia, Maine, and Connecticut but I didn't include them because I couldn't think of anything in particular about those states other than similar stretches of highway. I mean does it count to have been there if you didn't even stop?



You can create your own visited states map or if you are cooler than me you can do one for the whole world

I would do the world map too but that is just too pathetic. U.S., Canada, Germany, that is all.

things that make me happy

• hot tea with honey that came from a bear shaped container (I have a cold)

• the fact that I can justify eating 6 cans of pringles in the next two weeks (or maybe a little longer) because I can use the empty cans to make rainsticks for my class.

• the video from this article.

President's day off (sort of)

Yay! I didn't have to go to school today in the morning (but I did have to go to class in the evening so it wasn't technically a day off, but I accept it for what it is).
This morning Michael (with lots of coaxing over an extended period of time starting sometime last week and reaching a peak last night) convinced me to go to the gym with him. This was my first trip to the gym. (possibly my last) I hate the elliptical machine, it hurts my knees, I am also not a fan of the stationary bike but I knew that before I went. I just don't get it. In Michael's gym there is a cardio-theater where they play movies while you work out. This is still not enough to keep my mind active, I wanted a magazine too, or a book or something. I can't just do these aerobically challenging activities without something else because my brain just does not turn off and it drives me crazy. This is why I like dance, because I am so bad (and so not a kinesthetic learner) that it takes all of my energy (physical and mental) to try to make my limbs behave in a non-spastic manner. Anyway, after the cardio-theater (theatre?) I used weight lifting machines for the first time. These are less offensive than the elliptical machine everyone seems so fond of, but still sort of strange. The only one I really like is the one where you get to use your feet to push weight out, because it really stretched my hips and knees out and I needed that. Also I think my minimal amount of crunches totally put me back down a pant size that I have been slowly shrinking out of, now I need to really buy new pants. (or eat)
So to cancel out all that crazy exercising I convinced Michael to go with me to Chipotle for lunch. (we walked there, but Michael said we need to run there to even work off a bite of guacamole) My burrito has 59g of fat, and 1240 calories. That info comes from here. Now I must get back to various school writing projects that I pushed off completing on Sunday afternoon in favor of afternoon drinks a game of Scrabble (the first time I ever won against Michael) and a movie. For some reason I thought, Hey, I have off on Monday I can get that work done later, or not.

p.s. to NBC -Enough with the ice dancing already!

it was like it was you...but it wasn't you

I know how insufferable it is to listen to other people tell you about their dreams, "it was like I was walking, but I was floating, and I was in math class but my math teacher was really my grandma..." and so I am apologizing in advance but...
I had this dream last night that I can't shake. Lots of weird annoying dream things happened most of which I can no longer remember. Here is the obviously connected to what is bothering me not entirely subconsciously, I dreamt that the neediest kid in my class, who I agonize over daily because I feel so helpless about the situation. The mostly deaf, mostly blind boy with no language abilities etc etc. In my dream he became a woman supervisor of the program, and the explanation was something like he was there to see how we (as interns) would handle a situation like this. This being me at a complete loss for what to do with this student in a new environment where I have no control or input. In the dream it was no big deal and then we all sat down for dinner, like at a banquet. Here is where the dream becomes less of a pathetic and sad window to my soul and more shallow and pathetic window to my television addiction. Patrick Dempsey was seated at the head of the table, and a slightly younger Patrick Dempsey look-alike guy sat next to me. And Patrick Dempsey told me how good we (me and the look alike) look together. (convoluted enough for you) Thank you Grey's Anatomy.

Moving on...I did one of these Johari windows I have been reading about. Check it out here and tell me what you think of me (if you feel like it). It makes me think of one of the professors I hate, who on the first day of class always has us fill out a form wherein we must list 6 adjectives to describe ourselves. dude, I know this is for class my first three adjectives are about how smart, articulate and personable I am, what I am going to say (angry, vindictive, impatient). Whatever, check out my Johari and start one of your own so I can look at it too.